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The Best 9 things of the Last 24 hours

9. On Rock of Love Bus, contestant Constandina tells Brett Michaels that "I took a religious vow that I wouldn't have all the way sex for three years." Funny, I took the same vow in high school except back then it was less a vow and more head gear. After she is eliminated she goes "I thought this was called Rock of Love, not Rock of F***." Gone too soon.
image via Vh1
8. "They do that a lot in movies - An Affair to Remember, Sleepless in Seattle, and that remake of An Affair to Remember that I was in, A Blaffair to Rememblack." Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock.


7. Mickey Rourke thanking his dogs, yes even the dead ones, at the Golden Globes. Also using the word "balls" several times, and getting someone (the director?) to wave his middle finger at the camera. GENIUS.

6. Cat Sound." Liz Lemon, 30 Rock

5. Amanda Seyfried at the Golden Globes. MAMMA MIA!


4. Ricky Gervais telling Kate Winslet "Well done, Winslet. Told you to do a Holocaust film," in reference to her sexy nun role in Extras. Sometimes I find myself holding an imaginary phone to my ear while pretending to fondle my boob and think "Winslet does this too."



3. Kate Winslet's acceptance speech. I cried. I really did. That woman is so beautiful and funny and talented. She's the only reason that Little Children didn't keep me awake at night (from the fear). And when she professed her love for Leo? Ugh! My heart will go on! Also! She forgot Angelina! Classic.


2. "Tina said that if Barack Obama won, I could do all the talking for the show. I am the voice of post-racial America! Deal with it, Cate Blanchette!" Tracy Morgan should do all of the speaking for everything. I hope Obama lets him write his speeches. I hope the Academy Awards ask him to host. I hope that Tracy Morgan becomes the voice of the rest of my life.


1. Tina Fey's acceptance speech. I cannot wait until I lose a ton of weight, write the funniest show on TV, get paid 5 million dollars to write a book, and change the course of the most important presidential election IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD, and then win a Golden Globe and use the opportunity to address all of my internet haters. I already have a list, bitches, and you know who you are.

posted by Bagel @ 11:32 AM