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Tool Academy: Is it bad that Mr. Awesome would make a better show?

Tool Academy, School for Tools, or Tool School (still deciding which name I think is more Mr. Awesome) came on this morning and I realized with shame I'd been too wrapped up in the Golden Globes last night to watch the premier. I sighed, poured myself a glass of Franzia, curled up on the couch, and turned up the volume.

Tool Academy has attracted it's nine contestants under the guise that they are competing for a show called Mr. Awesome. Mr. Awesome, says the host, has style -- cue frat boy number one popping the collar on the blazer that frames his bare, waxed chest-- sex appeal -- "I got spikey black hair" says one Gotti-fied contestant -- and something else which makes one man wearing a rhinestoned trucker hat hump the ground. Clearly, Mr. Awesome is made of win.

However, after making the men "strut their stuff" on a catwalk in front of "women" to showcase the ingredients of their Mr. Awesome Sauce, the contestants for Mr. Awesome have one Mr. Awesome rug pulled out from under them. Their girlfriends walk out.

WHAT??!?! HOLD. THE. PHONE. These guys who wear boas made of money, go by names like "Celebrity" and brag about picking up dollars with their butts (proof that evolution is real?) have GIRLFRIENDS? This just got so real.

There are two words that best describe Tool Academy and those words are "heartbreaking" and "confusion." Heartbreaking because the women who love these men are clearly in need of more help than their boyfriends and should be immediately sent on some sort of self-esteem building vacation. Also they should be given new boyfriends. I say confusion because if these tools win and prove that they can apologize to society for being so horrible they get $100,000. That is so much money.

I can do so many things for $100,000.

And here's a totally irrelevant clip of the Tools entertaining themselves

posted by Bagel @ 10:19 AM