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25 things about me

Hey! So you guys know about that facebook thing that everyone totally hates where you tell people 25 random, personal, and completely obnoxious things about yourself? Well here's mine:

1. I once escaped from the jaws of a great white shark by feeding it a tank of compressed air and then shooting it with a rifle.

2. I met my boyfriend when I rescued him from a sinking ship in a storm and then sang him a song on a beach. My dad did not approve.

3. One time I was a radio DJ in Vietnam and my best friend there turned out to be a VC.

4. I used to jump horses off of platforms in Atlantic City. Then I went blind.

5. When I was in college I played football for Notre Dame but they didn't let me suit up until the last game of my senior season and now I'm a hero.

6. Oh man this one time my friends and I found a treasure map in my dad's attic and then we had to race some gangsters to get there first. We found the pirate ship full of treasure and saved our house.

7. When I was a juvenile delinquent I tagged some tank at Sea World and during my public service I befriended a giant killer whale. We had to let him go though.

8. My brother was almost a vampire when we were younger and I had to kill one of his vampire friends with my stereo. Whoa.

9. In history one year my best friend and I had to do this lamesauce project about what it would be like for historical figures to live in California today, in 1989. Our friend Rufus sent us back in time and we got Socrates and Billy the Kid and Napoleon and Beethoven and took them to the mall. We passed.

10. I cut my hair really short and pretended to be a boy so I could fight the Huns in place of my dad. I saved China, NBD.

11. Omg, one time my gramma came to visit and told me I was a princess! I didn't even know!

12. Once, in high school, I had detention and met all these different people and performed crazy hijinks behind principal Skinner's back. Then I hooked up with a guy in a broom closet.

13. One time my friends and I cut school and drove my friend's dad's Ferrari 250 GT around Chicago.

14. My dog Marley died.

15. When aliens invaded and started blowing up cities, the dog almost died but didn't.

16. A few summers ago I was working as an archeologist and was like the best in my field and this doctor guy asked me to go to his dinosaur-themed park. Oops, big mistake.

17. My crazy friend Doc sent me back in time in a Delorian and I had to make my parents meet and have sex so I didn't negate my existence.

18. My husband Brad and I got a flat on our way back from the wedding and spent a crazy night at some castle. We don't talk about it much anymore.

19. When I was in lower school my best friend died from bee stings and my dad embalmbed him in our basement. I write lots of poetry now.

20. A few Christmasses ago my family forgot me when they went to Paris and left me home alone. I had to fight off these crooks and the creepy next door neighbor turned out to be really nice.

21. My dad used to want me to be a boxer, but I just really wanted to dance and I would sneak into dance lessons and I was really good. When he found out I got really mad and danced and then he realized how good I was and I went to dance school. My dad still works in the coal mines.

22. Back when I lived in Baltimore it was segregated and I wanted to be on this TV dance show but they didn't like me because I was fat and wanted the city to be integrated. We marched and danced and I won a spot on the TV show.

23. My sister was kindapped by Colombian bandits once and I had to go down there and pay her ransom but I got lost and this rustic gentleman helped me out and we found a giant emerald and then saved my sister and fed the bad guys to alligators.

24. I went to a carnvial and this machine said it would grant my wish and I just wanted to be bigger and I woke up the next day and I was a 30 year old man. I ran away to New York and was hired by a toy company. I got so wrapped up in work I forgot who I was until my best friend came and knocked some sense into me.

25. My girl Thelma and I ran away from abusive homes and killed a guy and then drove off a cliff.

posted by Bagel @ 7:10 AM